10 Ways to Make Your Kid Fat

Submitted by on April 19, 2011 – 11:01 am17 Comments
  1. boy eying dessertDon’t feed your kids breakfast. It’s hard enough to get them out the door in the morning anyway. Geez, moms need a break too. Just make sure you put a candy bar in their pocket, in case their blood sugar drops a little later on.
  2. Pay no attention to portion sizes. In fact, adult portions are completely appropriate. Don’t worry about a child’s stomach only being the size of her fist. It really stretches a lot.
  3. Snacking is better than eating defined meals. And with this abundance of pre-packaged snack foods, it has become wonderfully convenient to feed children little munchies all throughout the day without ever turning on the stove or chopping fruits or veggies. For most of these packaged snacks, you don’t even need a plate or silverware. Easy!
  4. Train their taste buds for very sweet and very salty. As always with kids, consistency is important here. Always let them have chocolate milk, and they will never go for plain again if given the choice.
  5. Buy processed food, not fresh. Because the more pre-prepared (and therefore probably ultra-processed) the food already is when you buy it, the less hassle it is for you to serve that food for dinner once you bring it home! Let the food manufacturers do the prep work for you… creates jobs too. And for some weird reason, the more hands have handled your food the cheaper it gets.
  6. Water is boring. Your kids are right when they say it’s yucky. It doesn’t taste like anything. Sweet bubbly soda and other sugary drinks are a lot more fun, and the colorful cans and bottles are so cute.
  7. Bribe them with dessert. If they finish their plate, they can have ice cream. Over time, this will create a clear picture in their little head: Main course (real food) = chore. Dessert = reward!
  8. Nip their passion for sports in the bud early. Don’t let your kid dream of becoming a professional athlete when he grows up, or next thing you know he’ll be featured on MTV Cribs.
  9. Feed your kids plenty of refined, low-fiber foods. Yeah, granted a diet rich in fiber reduces their risk for heart disease and chronic illnesses, helps them poop regularly and makes them full for a long time … but boy, is that stuff chewy.
  10. Don’t have family meals. Family mealtime is a breeding ground for talks about the stuff that’s going on in your kid’s head – and who can deal with that after a busy workday? They might even start paying attention to what you’re serving them or will want to get involved in the kitchen. That would be a bother.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Categories: Guides, Healthy Meals and Activities for Kids, Mealtime Psychology


  • this is great, perfect, i want more! shared it on my FB page.

  • Cari says:

    Loved the write up! A great way to get the point across.

  • jaime says:

    ya had me till the skinny vegetarian comment, and saturated fat thing. I know too many skinny-fat vegetarians, and saturated fat is good for their little brains and hearts. would have been better taking issue with hydrogenated oils that are in all the junk people feed their poor kids.

    otherwise it was pretty funny.

  • Brenda says:

    Great list. Thanks

  • Rhonda says:

    I agree with MOST of this advice, but all studies show smaller meals, or per say snacking, all day, grazing, if you will, is actually extremely healthy for adults and children alike for a healthy weight, prevent overeating and to keep that metabolism going. Obviously not all prepackaged unhealthy snacks. My children snack A LOT, Bananas and peanut butter, peanuts, sliced apples, cheese crackers, grapes, popcorn, string cheese, frozen peas. Not “all” healthy, but mostly.

  • Jennifer says:

    I had to read this more than once. Too funny! I love when humor and good sense mix.

  • Sandra Henderson says:

    Hi Rhonda, you are absolutely right, smaller meals and snacks are indeed healthier for the body. What we are really trying to promote is more defined meals and snacks, where there is a more obvious beginning and end to it. What parents want to be careful about, says our nutritionist, is that kids never really get used to a true feeling of fullness or never allow themselves to feel hungry. Over the years, this could lead to them being out of touch with their body.

    So yes, we are encouraging kids/families to eat smaller meals and snacks… about 4 to 6 times per day! Thanks, Rhonda for helping us getting this point across more clearly.

  • Sandra Henderson says:

    Jaime, good point! Thank you for adding in the hydrogenated oil component, we totally agree… it belongs right up there on the list too. And really, an appropriately moderate amount of saturated fat is good for the body. In fact, the body makes saturated fat itself. It’s the excess amounts of saturated fat in foods parents want to watch out for. Thanks & take care.

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  • badu says:

    Thanks you so, allow me to suggest an even more useful follow up-10 ways to make your kids depressed.

    I’ll start you off with a few suggestions…

    1. Whenever they upset or annoy, drop your voice to a down beat and tell them “you are very very disappointed in them”.

    2. Control their every move, with endless structured activities, so that by the time they get to college/university they get crazy drunk and high anything to escape your whinning tones.

    3. Make everything that happens a “lesson” and bore them senseless till they hate your earnest guts by the time they enter their teens.

    4. Endlessly cod psychoanalyse them, until they have to find ways to scream at you to get out of their heads, see no2.

    5. Never miss an opportunity to make them concerned, often by passing on your endless ‘concerns’ about every mother loving thing.

    And so on.

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  • takar says:

    i think this is unhealthy.

  • Sandra Henderson says:

    Takar — yep, it’s all unhealthy. And it’s written with a humorous voice. So, flip it all around and you have 10 tips for PREVENTING childhood obesity … and hopefully a good laugh. That was our intention.

    It’s all good.

    Have a smooth start into the week,
    ZisBoomBah Editor / Writer

  • Jack says:

    So going to use these tips to make my kids fat!!!

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