ZisBoomBah

Learn better coping habits to deal with stress and boredom in a healthy way.

If you made any new year’s resolutions on January 1, by now you’ve probably experienced precisely the reason why we need a January 1 in the first place: It’s hard to let go of bad habits. Why is that? Leo Babauta over at ZenHabits.net writes in his latest post —Habits That Crush Us—that we often find our bad habits useful in coping with either stress or boredom. I think he is onto something. Some of his examples include inactivity (avoiding exercise is a stress avoidance technique), being rude/angry/depressed (if stress builds up because you’re not dealing with it) and shopping (getting into debt, building clutter).

Breaking bad habits is a very personal matter. Fist, you have to own up to something that—best-case scenario—others don’t even notice you’re doing. So the intent to live healthier as a family has this whole other dimension to it: being honest with each other. You have to be willing to admit to your bad habits, but also be open to listening to what other family members have to say about each other’s habits.

The flip side of changing habits together as a family, of course, is that you have each other’s support. You can celebrate your successes together. ZisBoomBah psychologist Beth Lonergan, PsyD, just wrote this great piece on How to Make Change Feel Doable. “Building an actionable plan for change is best done from a strength-based perspective,” Beth writes. “Then, the leap from what you already do that is positive to incrementally making improvements is not very far and feels doable.”

Let’s come back to Leo’s point that we can’t let go of bad habits because we haven’t learned how to deal with stress and boredom in a healthy way. It really simplifies thinking about bad habits. Do this experiment for the rest of the day: Every time you catch yourself, your partner or your kids practicing a bad habit, ask yourself (or them) – “Am I (are you) stressed or bored.” If the answer is yes, try to do something positive instead. Leo has some great ideas on his blog, which I am going to adapt for families here as needed:

Better Coping Habits

• Walk/run/swim/bike (all great things to do together as a family)
• Do pushups, pullups, squats (for kids, this could be jumping jacks, jumping rope, dance your wiggles out…)
• Yoga/meditation (a perfect activity for kids! For tips, read my post Family Together Time: 3 Steps to Being in the Moment with Children. For younger kids, I love the DVD Storyland Yoga)
• Play with friends/kids
• Create, write, play music, read when we’re bored
• Learn to enjoy being alone, instead of being bored (this is a big one for kids; learn to be ok with not being entertained for a while)
• Take a daily walk and enjoy nature together
• Deal with finances, clutter, paperwork immediately, in small steps, so that it doesn’t get stressful (for kids, it’s their homework, cleaning up their room, writing thank you notes after a birthday etc.)
• Take control of a situation: make a list, get started in baby steps, so things don’t get stressful (breaking it down into baby steps is a great way for kids to deal with issues that otherwise would overwhelm them or stress them out – like learning a new skill, for instance)
• Learn to be mindful of your breathing, body tension, stressed-out thoughts (unfortunately, this is true for kids as well. They are part of this hectic world just as we adults are. Even youngsters go through their day with pulled up shoulders, clenched teeth, etc.)
• Get some rest (can we say enough about the wonders early bedtime can do for kids? And for you, for that matter, as it gives you some much-needed grownup time.)
• Learn to savor healthy food that you find delicious (or, as our nutritionist Lisa likes to say “Love what you put in your mouth, even if that’s a cookie”)
• Slow down
• Take a hot bath (not too hot for the kids, of course)
• Learn to live in the present.